My Weight Loss Journey
ON Monday, April 22, 2013
AT 9:45 PM
First and foremost, I should say that I wasn't actually "fat" before. I just have this unflattering figure that by first glance, you'll consider me big and chubby. And it's not really all about weight loss. It's more of a life changing experience journey, all in one. (p/s : No pictures of me, as usual. Sorry :-( )
It all started in 2002, I think. When I was in middle school. (Or we Malaysians call it primary school) I was actually bigger than most of my friends. I was considered a big girl, and most of my friends were petite cute school girls. I was so self conscious of myself because I wasn't attractive either. I have this big spectacles and round face. Most of my friends would have this "kakak angkat" thing going on. Sort of like a non-related sister that acts like a real sister. I was the one that didn't have one. I did eventually, and it sort of made me special because I felt like I joined a group of popular kids that have these sisters.
My close friend at that time, I'll call her M here, she's really pretty and very petite.Plus she's also very intelligent and good at so many things. I wish I was more like her in every way. Her parents were strict, but she never showed any sort of emotion of being unhappy. She's always smiling.
We made friends with a few other people, all over achievers, and all very pretty and smart. I wasn't the brightest, but because I was their friend, I had to strive so that I don't feel embarrass being left behind. They would always score in academics, and in sports. And I would TRY to score, but of course, I just end up in 2nd or 3rd place. I was never No 1. Well, except when I was 9 years old when I got first place in class in academics, but my rank was no 7 throughout the whole school, but it was pretty awesome being no 1 for once.
Since I was pretty big, I kept wishing I was smaller. Or that I was prettier looking than them. I know, childish selfish thoughts. But it was true back then. I would practically do what ever she would do.
I guess it started when we joined Tae Kwon Do. She would get picked into a sparing group for competition, and I'd be left behind. I did get picked but i was during my senior years, so I was the last one to be picked. And I always felt that I was the reason behind us not winning anything. That made me feel even low than before.
But we always hung out when our friend's dad took us out to eat before sending us home. I'd order the same drink all the time : Iced Tea.
It's the one with milk on it. It's the only drink I know how to order, so that was basically my everyday drink. I would drink that every time I went out with my family, or even at school.
It goes on for about 2 years. I didn't learn how to order any other drinks, just that. I didn't notice the change at all, I was practically still the same until I graduated middle school and I got 5 A's in my UPSR. M did too. But it wasn't much of a shock for us. She's always clever.
In high school, we went to our different ways. Her family moved to another town, and she got into high school there, the best there it. I was still here, and I got into a a new school.
There, I made a different set of friends.
For some reason, I sort of click with people there. Even though I was in first class, but it wasn't that stressful like how I would feel in middle school since everybody there sort of think alike. Like me. So I made a lot of friends. Plus, it was my first time actually being in school with boys since my old school was an all-girls school and this is a coed school.
What made me change, I guess is the fact I made friends with boys. It became easier to be friends with them because they sort of get me, and I don't have to pretend to be all feminine since I was pretty tomboyish. We had a lot of fun together. Of course, my grades also drop from having too much fun and not studying. Eventually, I drop my grades to the point I was sent to the second class. It was degrading, but life in the second class was honestly one of the best times I had there.
I made new set of friends, whose focus wasn't all about studying, but to have fun in the process. I never get them before because I was sort of a nerd, due to my experience in middle school. But they made me realize that I can have fun with studying as well, so I was pretty much having fun with them.
However, dating boys didn't help. When I broke up with my first ever guy, I practically starve to death, thinking that he dump me because I wasn't pretty of skinny enough. It wasn't a good time. And every time I broke up with someone, I tend to try to find more ways so that I'd be more pretty than I did before.
In high school, I realize I was actually smaller than most of my classmates. That made me feel all petite and dainty. Plus, I learn to put on make up (powder face) that makes my face all pretty and not shiny like it used to be. Of course, after a while, I was full depending on make up to make my face prettier, and it made me lose confidence if I don't have on make up on my face. I also have to deal with acne, which was never fun. It made my pile on more make up.
Also, I realize that I have actually become much shorter than my old schoolmates. They have grown to become more like a woman, while I stay petite like a girl. I found out that my metabolism rate is so high and any food intake will result in me going to the toilet afterwards. It's not anorexia. It's just super high metabolism. At one point, a few boys called me short, and I walk funny, so I end up crying. But then they would feel bad and apologize right away.
My friends kept me sane. They made my school days so much more fun, despite the harsh comments by some. I was having so much fun, and I end up excelling in my studies since they help me balance between having fun and studying.
Plus, I joined theater, which really boost up my confidence to speak in public, so that was awesome too.
When I was about 15 to 17 years old, I move to another school. This time, this school is practically an elite school, all-girls and only select few can get it. There, I made new friends. Of course, friends from my old school still remains my best friends of course.
We would talk about girl stuff and it eventually boost up my confidence in terms of my looks. It was great having these girls who love and support me despite my looks. Even though we accept each others' flaws, we would find ways to improve ourselves. Become a better person, not only on the outside, but the inside as well. They help me love myself, just by being true to themselves. It made me realize that there are people who love me despite my looks and physique.
During high school, and during my matriculation time, I decided that I want to live healthier. I felt that, my views on being beautiful then was wrong, and doubting myself, trying to be someone else isn't beautiful. It's just fake. Plus I wasn't seeing anybody, so I wasn't worried about impressing guys. I felt that I have everything with my family and friends supporting me, and I just want to be myself.
Oh yeah, In matriculation collage, I was always called Shorty, but I guess it didn't bother me after all this time. I grew tired of hearing negative comments that bring me down, so I would just laugh at them and in the end, I just don't view them as a critic. I figured that, the more I don't take seriously what they say, the more the comments don't hurt. And it did. They would just tease, but not bully me.
Oh yeah, back to the whole weight issues.
I sort of draw a conclusion that, because of all the tea I drank, it shrunk my stomach, making it hard for me to consume a lot of food without feeling like I'm bloated.
Iced Tea is awesome for losing weight because it makes you get full easier, boost up metabolism and it shrinks up the stomach, make it hard for you to eat more than necessarily. But excess Iced Tea is bad. Because it'll make your growth hormones stop.
In a way, it's a good thing, because it stops me from eating excessively. Plus, I can't eat anything that is fattening without feeling sick. Like chocolate. Somehow, I can't eat chocolate ice cream without feeling full all of a sudden.
I stayed the same during these years.I was 39 kg before which is about 86 pounds and my height was 150 cm until today. Well, give or take a few digits. My weight doesn't seem to go up or down, and my height remains static which makes me pretty short. I don't work out, and I lose my breath easily if I have to run far.
It was not very healthy since I look super skinny to others. Doctors and family members keep telling me to eat. So I did.
And believe me, I ate a lot. I would be happy with two servings of rice and a chicken. Plus, my parents said I'm high maintenance since I prefer expensive food rather than normal homemade cooking, but I guess they are just happy I ate a lot more now. I don't think I'm that high maintenance now. I can eat almost anything.
I do order Iced Tea sometimes, but I do learn to order other drinks as well.
My family says I look healthier nowadays and I do look a little chubby since my cheeks are usually the first place to show if I eat a lot. But the height remains the same though. Except my weight. It maintained, but it has increase a little now, and it had maintained that way. I'm 44 kg which is 97 pounds, which is pretty much a normal healthy weight to have, for someone with my height.
Oh, and I've decided to actually exercise for a change. It's not much, but it keeps my body healthy and fit.
I guess the reason I decided to post this is because, I know a lot of people struggle with weight loss. And I know that people stereotype being skinny as being beautiful. But it's not suppose to be like that.
Being beautiful is all about what's on the inside. And being healthy. What's the point of being skinny and beautiful if you can't even stand for more than 5 minutes?
It's easier to starve to achieve that dream weight, but it's not healthy. Losing weight the healthy way may take a while, and the result isn't instant. But at least you'll have a piece of mind that this will continue on a long term basis.
Oh yea, a tip though. Tea is one of the traditional ways for woman to lose weight. And some tea are really healthy, like green tea. So, it's ok to drink tea in the morning. Just not every hour of the day. It works. Trust me. Cos I have experience it.